“… You cannot be really first-rate at your work if your work is all you are.”
Source: A Short Guide to a Happy Life – Anna Quindlen
My career stretched over numerous industries – auto manufacturing, car rental, energy, home construction and financial services. I leaned to what was familiar – working primarily with men. After two older brothers and 4 years in business school, I did not dislike men, I just didn’t have much female influence in my life.
Most of my role models were men, and I remember one occasion when Frank told me, “I didn’t have to be one of the guys.” It was caring and constructive criticism, from someone who kept a bottle of whiskey in his bottom drawer for his morning coffee and cigarette. I went out and bought a pink suit to compensate. But mostly what I learned from these guys was how to work. Get up early, stay up late, overflow assignments into the weekend, drive, fly, meet, advise, ask questions, take notes and most importantly implement. I worked in hotel rooms and on planes and in markets all around the country. I loved working. I loved it so much that I only took one vacation (I think) with my first husband.
Husband # 2 and I initially had a long distance relationship, so we learned to talk to each other (hours over the phone) and meet in cities throughout the US and a couple in Europe – often where I was working. This time I got smart and tacked on a vacations before or after work assignments. I was getting smarter, I thought.
I was one of the older people on a commodities trade floor at 40 and after a lay-off, I shifted to the financial investment industry with primarily white men and I became one of the younger additions. After the Great Recession of 2007-2009, I finally realized the pattern. Work is NOT everything.
My friend Mary Jane (MJ), was convinced her terminal metastatic breast cancer was caused by years of the effects of stress. I became an ovarian cancer survivor. Wake-up call #2 – WORK is not everything.
(Cue movie background music and beautiful sunrise…) I started taking more time off to travel with my husband. I invested time on community activities to contribute locally and to meet new people. I invested time in moving more and eating better so I could play the longevity card that MJ didn’t get to play. I eventually planned to retire from “corporate America”, write a book and work on my own. All of this took ongoing small incremental changes and nudges to make it happen.
After 40 years, I finally figured out that I had to get 5 things in order –
- Finances – Get my money in order so that I could live within my means, work and live with more flexibility, less obligation, and greater enjoyment.
- Food – THINK about what I ate and make more healthy choices, more of the time
- Fitness – Move more, preferably outside. For me that’s hiking, biking, walking, gardening, chores and some weights too.
- Friends – Reach out to more people, share deeper discussions and trusts with a few of them, care for them and know they care for you
- Fun – Do things that make you smile and laugh more
Choose NOT to carry bags of regret – they are damn heavy. Choose to live to your fullest life potential. Choose to be happy and have gratitude when you go to bed at night and when you wake up in the morning. It took a while to get where you are now and if you’d like tomorrow to look differently, you must make different choices.
I am grateful for the many men and women I’ve worked with in numerous industries. I have had bad – and fantastic – role models. Let’s learn the BEST from both and initiate small incremental improvements in our lives starting today. Be abundantly more than your work.