We have enough negative information all around us right now. I believe it is helpful to find and share more positive messages – even when they’re instructive. So, when I was attracted to this article, “Toxic Things Your Boss Shouldn’t Say,” I was immediately drawn to revising this with a positive spin. (Did the negative tone initially get me to open the article? I don’t know, but I’m still going positive.).
The negative Leader comments are in italics followed by suggested positive revisions for Leaders and Team Members –
- “Did you think this was well done?”
Leader – “I think this was a positive start; let’s discuss how to make improvements.” - “I know you’re busy, but can you plan the virtual office happy hours. You’re just so good at this stuff.”
Leader – Rotate “office housework” assignments.
Team Member – Practice saying, “You’re right. I am swamped right now. Please pass it on to one of the others. Thanks.” - “[Colleague] did this, so you should, too.”
Leader – “I’d like to see your performance in ______ step up a notch; let’s discuss how to make this happen.” Another option, “….let’s discuss how I can support you to take this to the next level.” - “I should have expected this from you.”
Leader – Nope – performance issues should not be a surprise to anyone. “This assignment is a tough one and will push you to improve in these areas _____ (that we’ve previously discussed). Let me know I can support you to complete this project.” - “Let’s schedule our 1:1 for 8 a.m.”
Leader – Be realistic with time expectations of your team, especially if your requests are outside of normal business hours. Team members – If this is the Leader’s style, then consider this response, “I’m not available at 8:00 AM, but I am available either at 9 or 11 AM; would either of those work for you?” (Offer at least two options to meet.) - “Thanks for being the office mom!”
Leader – See #2 – Rotate “office housework” assignments.
Team Member – “May we talk more about this? I’d like you to pass along some of these tasks to others on the team.” - “I know you’re on vacation, but…”
Leaders – See #5 – Nope, it’s totally unfair.
Team Member – be sure to put an Out of Office message on your email and office phone. Consider including comments such as, “I will not have access to voicemail and email on these dates.” If the leader calls you anyway, and it’s a non-emergency item, “I’m with my family and friends through Friday, so I’ll add this to my Monday schedule, (will that work?”). The boss or others in the office will have to take on the assignment if Monday is not acceptable. - “Being on time for the meeting is being late.”
Leader – See #5 – Being on time is being on time.
Team Member – The real response may be firm but pleasant, “Actually, I’m right on time. Shall we start?” - “You’re doing so well because you’re [insert irrelevant personality trait].”
Leader – Performance reviews are designed to discuss, well, performance. This includes knowledge, skills, abilities and measurable outcomes as a start.
Team member – “Thanks. What specific advice do you have for me so that I can improve my performance in this role and prepare for a future promotion?”
Team Member – If you find the language of your boss consistently negative, model a more positive approach. When given negative commentary, rephrase the message to confirm understanding.
Leader – “I should have expected this from you.”
Team Member Rephrase – “Sounds like the results don’t meet your expectations. Would you share some specific items that require improvement?”
Sometime you have to “Manage Up”. To see more information about this, check out the C2C Episode 3 (May 14, 2020) with me and Wendy Thomas of Leadership Tulsa.